Golden Birthday

Deep sadness normally hits me on random days. Everyone's experiences in loss are intimately and intricately different, but I found the "big" dates at the beginning really hard... birthdays and death dates. But for the first few years you're mourning all the time anyways so another day of laying in bed and crying doesn't feel... Continue Reading →

Something you’ve taught me

Four years ago, life was really testing me. In the midst of a terminal cancer diagnosis in my family, Zafer died from a heroin overdose. My first love - first everything. I believe that every encounter you have is an energy exchange. That you touch each single other being you come in contact with. There... Continue Reading →

A year in Comoros

Most applications remind us what picture, status, or ‘memory’ took place a year or two from this day. My brain has done this for me since February 6th, 2016. This is the day I found out my dad had cancer- his death sentence. Since then, birthdays, Father’s Day, my dad and Zafer’s death dates, ‘last... Continue Reading →

We get what we need

“I feel like it comes easy to you. I feel like you’re just meant to do something like this. I just don’t know if I am.” I remember during pre-service training a volunteer in my cohort told me that through her tears of uncertainty about this experience. I was flattered at the time but tried... Continue Reading →

Growing pains

  Four years ago I made the choice to stop eating meat. As a freshman in college, I wanted to see if I could do it and save money. As the years have passed, I’ve noticed a unique shift in my mindset with a more connectedness to the beings around me. I see them. I... Continue Reading →

Two years in hindsight

It was Fall 2016 and I was a junior at Appalachian State University. The doctors told us he had six more months left to live. I decided that staying in school was what I needed to do for myself. There are times when I look back and wonder if I made the right decision, however,... Continue Reading →

So far in Comoros

I’m in week eight on these islands and I still can’t believe I’m here. ­­­The past few months have been a strength I haven’t known about myself. A strength that I know has only just begun. Between a deep loneliness and the fear of missing out on the life I left back home, I know... Continue Reading →

“Friend”ship through loss

I have tried to write about this subject a few different times, and each time it has translated to pure rage and immaturity. I have never felt as though I’ve been able to encompass the topic of friendship through loss effectively or appropriately. When I write about this, emotions rush through me. Most of them... Continue Reading →

47 + 2

The first weekend in February is known as a few different things. To the world, this weekend is Superbowl Sunday. To my family, it’s my Dad’s birthday weekend. What would have been his 49th. What is now, the second birthday without him. And two years and three days ago, this was the first of several... Continue Reading →

Fatherless Day

Nobody can prepare you for the ache of loss. Death is something that strikes and leaves a permanent wound. This wound is ever present and imprisons you mentally and physically. It’s like hearing a new word and suddenly being cognitively aware of it being used around you, all the time. It’s comparable to someone you... Continue Reading →

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